Let's get it on: How soon is too soon?

Yeah you heard me...we're going to talk about sex.

 

Knockin' the boots, getting it on, doing it, doing the nasty, gettin' it in, smushing, doing the hanky panky, the bedroom tango, or just simply having sex.

 

Today I asked some of my Facebook friends about what their thoughts on the subject of sex too soon were, and I really enjoyed reading the responses.

 

Male: "Generally, you would want to lay down a foundation before you get physically intimate, just so your relationship doesnt revolve around sex. But then again sometimes things just click so perfectly that it makes its way there real fast. Really its just all about the match up. My opinion atleast."

 

Female: "For me, I don't want to get too deep into a dating relationship without knowing how sexually compatible I am with someone. And the only way to know that is to have sex. I don't advise it in all situations, but I'm not a fan of "waiting." Sex is important to relationships. I don't think it should be the foundation, but I feel like sometimes people who advocate a certain number of dates before sex are really just using sex as a manipulation tactic, a bargaining chip, and I despise that. If you have a healthy sense of self and are not prone to fall in love instantly just because you have sex, then you should be fine. In general. But again, that's just my view of sex."

 

Female: "I guess I agree with the general thought here, it depends on what you want out of it. For me, if I like you, and maybe wanna date you, I'm going to make you wait. That might sound like a "bargaining chip" or manipulation tactic, but the fact is, we are humans and we respond to that. The reverse is true too. It might be totally stupid, but people DO lose interest when something is too easy. It's in our chemistry, so whether it's modern, or sexist, or a game, it's human nature. And if I want to hold someone's interest, I'm gonna keep a few tricks up my sleeve. "

 

Male: "I can safely sit up on my very late 30's pedestal and say that twentysomethings are waaaaay too impulsive. Anything great is worth waiting for. That could be 4 dates or 4 months. Not 4 hours, though. Sex complicates things. It implies a commitment where one may not exist, it implies a deeper understanding where one may not exist, and it places too much trust where it possibly shouldn't exist. Don't get hung up about when, just exercise self control, and the time will automatically be right. SELF CONTROL"

 

Female: "I also agree sex is important to a relationship. But I think it's more important to explore the mind thoroughly before you explore the body. I don't feel like that could be done in two dates even if you spent 48 hours with them. If you are feeling a "connection" that quickly I think you're just lusting which I don't necessarily think is a connection. People lust over people they have never even met or characters in books or movies that are made up. Just my opinion though. To each their own!"

 

 

       This subject is another touchy one, because there are so many different views on the topic. That is the direct reason that I decided to write about it.  I am not going to sit here and tell you what is right and what is wrong, but simply take it from all angles.

 

Prince Charming or a One night Romeo?

Let's take it from the male perspective...If you meet a girl and she is down right gorgeous, but the first night you meet you get drunk and wind up in bed together...does that change your opinion? Probably so. Daniel told us that we have to set up a foundation before getting in bed to keep the relationship from revolving around sex. Can lust cloud your vision and make you feel that you're in love when you're not? Absolutely. Let's now turn it around and take it from a girls perspective. If there is a cute guy that you end up in bed with on a Saturday night, are you more likely to never call him again just because you slept together? This is also true. Although, most people like to take it from the male point of view on the subject we are living in 2012 people...ladies are just as likely to never call you again because you are now viewed as a "one hit wonder".

 

Yeah I said it...in this day and age I don't believe the ball is completely in the guy's court anymore. I know for a fact that some ladies will sleep with a guy and be completely turned off because HE slept with HER on the first date. So what I'm trying to say here is that in most cases the consesus is right, "You're not going to buy a cow, if you're getting free milk".

 

It's true that there can be an exception to the rule...as there always is.

 

"Sometime it just feels so right you dont feel the urge to wait, and them sometimes a slower approach feels much better. All depends on the chemistry between 2 people."

"My husband and I meet on a one night stand ;) 8 years together...... There's no rules :)"
 

On the topic of sex with a partner for the first time I believe that communication is key. If you are not on the same page, then you probably never will be. My current relationship started with a wait, and our relationship is so great because of it. Although I can also say that if you don't feel any connection with your significant other...sex isn't going to change that. (You will end up staring as a ceiling for hours wondering when it'll be over). Now I'm not saying that if you don't wait an exact amount of time to have sex that you will be doomed. That's just sily...there shouldn't be a 5 date policy or anything of the sorts, but you have to wait until you know for sure that it is what you want.
 

Ladies...

 

The most important thing for you ladies is that it feels comfortable and natural. If you feel like at any time you are feeling pressured or that it is one sided, don't do it. There have been times in my life that I have been put into that situation and I let it happen. It only leaves you feeling hollow and disconnected. 

 

KNOW YOUR BOUNDERIES. Most people don't even know their own boundaries and therefore there is a grey area when it comes to sex. Having sex with someone that you are interested in forming a relationship with doesn't simply rely on physical boundaries..but emotional too. This may mean waiting till marraige if you so believe in true Christian values, or just simply waiting until you feel committed and ready. Either way, know what you want before you are even placed in the situation where you have to choose.
 

Guys...

 

 "Make sure your brain, heart, and penis are in conjunction -- they should all be in a straight line before you have sex," -Cheryl McClary, PhD, JD, professor of women's health at University of North Carolina-Asheville

 

I think for guys this topic is just as important as it is for girls. You as well need to know what boundaries you want for your next relationship. I am pretty sure although a lot of you put up the "I just want to get it in" front, most of you are just waiting for that right girl to make it all worth it.  I asked my boyfriend his thoughts on the subject and he said, "Anything willing to wait for I believe has more depth and passion and makes the whole experience way more worthwhile". You can have good sex with a complete stranger, or you can have GREAT sex with somebody you truely care about...the choice is yours.

 

So, in the end the choice is yours whether you want to wait or explore your sexuality with your new partner. All I ask is that you know what you want and where you stand. Make sure you know your boundaries and also what you are looking for in your next partner.

 

"Its just a matter of what you want, how much you love yourself, and expectations...honestly."

 

Well put Lauren.