Before I get started on this topic I want you to answer 3 simple questions:
1. Are you happy with yourself?
2. Do you think that you are in a good place in life?
3. Do you know exactly what you want in your significant other?
I believe these three questions are very important in finding the love of your life. If you aren't happy then you may have a clouded vision of yourself making it hard for you to believe that someone else could truely love you. If you aren't at a good place in life it might cause you to settle for someone you aren't happy with as a crutch or to be so overwhelmed that you pass up Mr. Right. Now the third question I think is the most important. How are you supposed to find someone that is right for you if you don't even know what you're looking for.
Being picky is OKAY.
(I can't stress it enough)
Sometimes we want love so badly that we will start thinking about settling for someone that doesn't fit our needs. We will think things like "Well, he's kind of boring...but he takes care of me and he really loves me." or "Yeah he's got a problem with being too selfish, but I can deal with that because I love him". I hate to break it to you, but if he's boring now he'll always be boring...and if he's too selfish to give you the attention then he obviously doesn't care enough to give you what you need (AKA scrub...listen to TLC...we don't want no scrubs).
"It comes down to fear: the fear of being lonely, the fear of running out of time, and the fear of missing out on an opportunity. And then it's no longer about who I'm dating, but it becomes about what I stand to lose. Dating takes on the feeling of a chore."
If you feel like you're being too picky then you're probably on the right track!
I was in a relationship once that was very comfortable, but I wasn't happy. This was because I felt like although there were no real problems in my relationship he wasn't meeting all of my needs. I was giving too much and I knew that there was no quick fix to my relationship. Well, I was at work one day pretty upset with him and wanting to figure out what I should do next...so I talked to a co-worker. She gave me really great advice that I feel like can help others in figuring out what they want.
She said, "Have you ever made a list of all the things that you want in your future husband?". Of course me being just 22 and not thinking about marriage replied simply, "no, I never had thought of doing that." So I sat down and put a list together of all of the things I simply wouldn't budge on with my future husband...and that's when I realized that it wasn't my boyfriend I needed to be with.
Of course it's not that easy to just end a relationship, but ladies...if he isn't it...he's never gonna be it. You shouldn't have to settle. You shouldn't have to change your needs to fit your significant other.
"It basically means taking a leap. You're going for your dream partner. It's like what the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said, you take a leap of faith and you may not make it, but at least you took that leap. And here "not making it" simply means dealing with rejection, which makes us stronger in the long-run anyway. "
So take a leap the next time you see someone you think may be the one, but make sure that you know what you're looking for.
In the end....I promise you it will be worth it.
XOXO
Alyssa Lee
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